Being married, vol. 3

Frida Nisan 25, 2022

At the Offices of Erin O'Brien, Erin O'Brien is obliged to review a vast array of media, including sexual websites such as Beautiful Agony, wherein people film their own faces as they do what people have been doing by themselves ever since they figured out how.

On occasion, the husband of Erin O'Brien will enter the Offices of Erin O'Brien and puzzle over what Erin O'Brien is studying.

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Husband of Erin O'Brien: What's this?

Erin O'Brien: Beautifulagony.com.

Husband of Erin O'Brien: What's she doing?

Erin O'Brien: She's flicking the bean.

Husband of Erin O'Brien: The bean?

Erin O'Brien: The most significant bean associated with the female anatomy.

Husband of Erin O'Brien: Oh, that bean.

The woman fiddles with an off-screen object and a low buzzing ensues. The woman's head jerks back as her eyes and mouth open to perfect O's.

Erin O'Brien: Welp, I think we know what that was.

Husband of Erin O'Brien: Yep.

The husband of Erin O'Brien and Erin O'Brien simultaneously lean in closer to the screen. The husband of Erin O'Brien squints.

Husband of Erin O'Brien: Sounds sort of like a muted leaf blower.

Erin O'Brien: Like if you were in our bedroom with all the windows closed and the neighbors were running their leaf blower.

Husband of Erin O'Brien: Exactly: a muted leaf blower--or maybe a miniature leaf blower.

The husband of Erin O'Brien and Erin O'Brien blink at the screen.

Erin O'Brien: She looks so stunned.

Husband of Erin O'Brien: And surprised.

Erin O'Brien: But why? If anyone should know what's happening, it's her.

Husband of Erin O'Brien: She does hold her future in her own hands.

The woman inhales sharply, squeezes her eyes shut and snaps her head to the side. The husband of Erin O'Brien sucks in his lower lip. Erin O'Brien swallows hard.

Erin O'Brien: Hon?

Husband of Erin O'Brien: Yeah?

Erin O'Brien: Want to go in our bedroom and see if we can hear the neighbor's leaf blower?

Husband of Erin O'Brien: Will you bring your bean?

Erin O'Brien: The bean is already on board, you want to flick it?

Husband of Erin O'Brien: Baby, I was born to flick.

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